Someone Is Currently Below Zero.

Through Thursday, most of the league hasn’t scored a point. That’s normal — byes and bad luck with a single Thursday-night player will do that. What’s not normal is scoring negative points, which is exactly what Mr Holley’s defense has managed to do: -2.0, a number that shouldn’t be mathematically available to a unit whose entire job is to prevent points, not accrue them in reverse.

Somehow, this is still a competitive matchup. Gibbs me all the TDs sits at 0.0 — genuinely nothing, the football equivalent of a blank page — and is still losing. Two teams, one of them literally underwater, and neither has managed to take the lead through three full days of the football calendar.

Elsewhere, the weekend is behaving more like a weekend. Total Mayehem has already banked 28.4 against Waterboy’s scoreless start — the latest chapter in a rivalry so evenly matched that its all-time scoring margin sits at under half a point per game across two full seasons. To Infinity and Bijan has clawed to 35.3 against Burrow me in TDs’ 6.6, in a series Burrow has otherwise dominated by an average of nearly 30.

And league-wide, some things never change: Kraft’sSuperBowlFormula continues to lead the league in a stat nobody wants to lead — 38.7 points left on the bench per week, on average, more than anyone else in a 14-team field. The formula, whatever it is, does not appear to involve reading the injury report.

Sunday will sort most of this out. Monday will sort out the rest. But as of Friday morning, the record book has a new entry it didn’t ask for: a team with fewer than zero points, still somehow not yet mathematically eliminated from winning the week.